Navigating ADHD, perimenopause and parenting neurodivergent children
Life with ADHD presents its own set of unique challenges, and these can feel even more pronounced during the perimenopause years. When you add the responsibility of parenting neurodivergent children into the mix, the result can feel like a whirlwind of competing demands, emotional highs and lows, and constant sensory overload. Let’s explore some of the key challenges faced by women navigating this intricate balancing act, as well as strategies and support systems that can help.
The overlap of ADHD and perimenopause
ADHD symptoms can overlap significantly with the hormonal changes of perimenopause. Women often report heightened brain fog, increased forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, and fluctuating moods. These symptoms can make it harder to manage daily responsibilities, especially when caring for children with their own neurodivergent needs.
Differentiating between ADHD-related struggles and those caused by hormonal shifts can be difficult. For many, it can feel like their ADHD is “getting worse,” but in reality, hormonal changes are amplifying the challenges they already face. This overlap can create a sense of confusion and frustration, making it even harder to prioritise self-care and focus on what matters most.
Balancing personal health and parenting
The demands of supporting neurodivergent children while managing your own mental and physical health can feel overwhelming. Children with ADHD or autism often require additional emotional and practical support, which can leave you feeling stretched thin. Your own sensory overload or emotional dysregulation can clash with your children’s needs, creating a cycle of tension and guilt.
Parents in this situation often feel immense pressure to meet everyone’s needs while neglecting their own. This can lead to burnout, exacerbating both ADHD symptoms and perimenopause-related challenges.
Advocating for yourself and your children
Navigating these challenges often requires a double layer of advocacy—one for yourself and one for your children. Whether it’s seeking a diagnosis, accessing support, or explaining your family’s needs to schools, workplaces, or healthcare providers, the mental load can feel exhausting. Advocacy requires organisation, persistence, and emotional resilience—skills that can be harder to summon when ADHD and hormonal fluctuations are at play.
The emotional toll of self-doubt and guilt
Many women in this situation experience deep feelings of guilt and self-doubt. It’s easy to feel as though you’re not doing “enough” for your children or that you’re falling short in managing your own health. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), common in those with ADHD, can amplify these feelings, leaving you hyperaware of perceived criticisms or failures.
It’s important to acknowledge that these emotions are a natural response to the challenges you face. Recognising your own limits and allowing yourself grace can be the first step towards breaking free from the cycle of guilt.
The impact of invalidation
When women and girls are told their struggles aren’t real or are part of a trend, the impact is devastating. It perpetuates feelings of being misunderstood and unheard, which are already common for neurodivergent individuals. It also delays access to the right support, which contributes to a cycle of poor mental health, low self-esteem, and burnout.
Sensory overload and emotional regulation
Parenting neurodivergent children often involves managing sensory sensitivities, both theirs and your own. Loud noises, unpredictable routines, and constant demands can feel overwhelming, particularly when you’re already struggling with the effects of perimenopause and ADHD. Emotional dysregulation on both sides can escalate conflicts, making it harder to create a calm and supportive environment.
Finding effective strategies and support systems
Despite the challenges, there are strategies and support systems that can help:
Professional support
ADHD coaching, therapy, and medical advice tailored to hormonal changes can be life-changing. A coach can help you create routines, manage overwhelm, and develop strategies to advocate for yourself and your children effectively.
Shared advocacy
Collaborate with teachers, healthcare providers, and family members to create a network of support. Sharing the mental load can help ease the pressure.
Prioritising self-care
Self-care doesn’t have to be extravagant—it can be as simple as taking short, restorative pauses throughout the day. Regular exercise, proper nutrition, and mindfulness practices can help regulate your mood and energy levels.
Community support
Finding a community of women who share your experiences can be incredibly validating. Whether it’s online groups or local meetups, connecting with others who understand your journey can provide a sense of solidarity and support.
Quiet spaces and breaks
For both you and your children, quiet spaces and regular breaks can reduce sensory overload and emotional stress. Creating a calm corner at home can be a sanctuary for everyone.
The role of ADHD coaching
ADHD coaching can be a game-changer for women navigating this stage of life. A coach can help you unpack the complexities of your situation, identify patterns, and build practical strategies to manage your time, energy, and emotions. Coaching also provides a judgment-free space to process feelings of guilt and self-doubt, empowering you to approach your challenges with confidence.
Final thoughts
Living with ADHD, going through perimenopause, and parenting neurodivergent children is undoubtedly a challenging combination, but it’s also an opportunity to embrace resilience, self-compassion, and growth. By seeking the right support, prioritising self-care, and connecting with others who understand, you can create a more manageable and fulfilling life for both yourself and your family.
If you’re on this journey, remember: you’re not alone, and there’s no shame in asking for help. In fact, doing so is a sign of strength and a step toward thriving—not just surviving.
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