Why do so many people with ADHD feel lazy, stupid, or not good enough?
For many of us with ADHD, we’ve lived our lives with the common, painful belief that we are lazy, stupid, or simply not good enough. This inner dialogue can be incredibly damaging, shaping self-esteem and limiting our potential. But why do these thoughts exist in the first place? What contributes to these beliefs, and how can they be reframed into a healthier perspective?
The role of misunderstanding and misdiagnosis
One of the key reasons for these negative self-perceptions is society's misunderstanding of neurodivergence. Traits like difficulty focusing, struggling with executive functioning, or needing more time to process information are often interpreted as laziness or lack of intelligence. In many cases, we can be living our lives undiagnosed or being misdiagnosed for years, leading us to internalise this false narrative.
Consider a child in school who struggles to stay on task or meet deadlines. Instead of being supported, they may be labelled as careless, lazy, or not trying hard enough. Over time, these repeated messages sink in, shaping how they see themselves—even long after they leave school. The same pattern can continue in workplaces or personal relationships if neurodivergent traits aren’t recognised or supported.
External pressures and unrealistic expectations
Traditional systems like schools and workplaces are often designed with neurotypical brains in mind. Rigid structures, one-size-fits-all expectations, and the constant demand to multitask or prioritise can feel impossible for someone with ADHD, and when we struggle to meet these unrealistic expectations, the message often received is that we are the problem, rather than the system.
Furthermore, societal pressures to conform and "mask" neurodivergent traits can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. Many individuals with ADHD spend immense mental energy trying to hide their struggles, only to feel exhausted and ashamed when they fall short.
The power of rejection sensitivity and shame
Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) can amplify these feelings. A simple critique, or even a perceived rejection, can spiral into a deep sense of shame. Similarly, many autistic individuals experience a heightened sensitivity to social feedback, which can lead to overthinking and self-blame.
The cumulative effect of these experiences is often a persistent feeling of "not being good enough," which may extend to every area of life—work, relationships, and even personal achievements.
Reframing the narrative
So, how do we break free from this cycle of self-criticism and doubt? One of the most powerful steps is recognising that these beliefs are not facts—they are stories shaped by years of misunderstanding, external pressures, and a lack of appropriate support.
ADHD coaching can be transformative in helping individuals reframe these narratives. Coaching provides a safe, non-judgmental space to explore personal strengths, understand neurodivergent traits, and develop tailored strategies to navigate challenges. It focuses on building confidence and self-compassion while challenging those deeply ingrained beliefs of laziness or inadequacy.
For example, instead of viewing procrastination as a moral failing, coaching helps uncover the root cause—perhaps it's perfectionism, fear of failure, or an overwhelmed executive system—and develops realistic solutions. It can empower individuals to set boundaries and advocate for their needs without shame.
Building a kinder world for neurodivergent individuals
Beyond personal strategies, societal change is essential. The world needs more awareness, compassion, and accommodations for neurodivergent individuals. Whether it's creating flexible workplaces, rethinking how schools support neurodivergent students, or fostering acceptance in relationships, every step matters.
As a society, we must recognise the incredible strengths that ADHD and neurodivergence bring—creativity, out-of-the-box thinking, deep empathy, and unique perspectives—and stop defining individuals by the challenges they face in a neurotypical world.
Moving forward
If you’ve ever felt lazy, stupid, or not good enough because of your neurodivergence, you are not alone. These feelings are valid but not a reflection of who you truly are. They are the result of systems, environments, and beliefs that failed to support you.
By seeking support, embracing self-compassion, and reframing these internalised messages, it is possible to step into a space of self-acceptance and empowerment. Remember: you are not broken—you are navigating a world that wasn’t designed with you in mind. And that is an incredible achievement in itself.
If you’re ready to challenge these beliefs and find ways to thrive, ADHD coaching can be a great place to start. Together, we can rewrite the story and create a path that celebrates your unique strengths and potential.
Wondering how ADHD coaching can work for you?
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