ADHD and oversharing

Oversharing is a topic that comes up often in conversations about ADHD. 

Many of us with ADHD find ourselves sharing too much, too soon, or in situations that may feel inappropriate in hindsight. While the act of oversharing may feel like a genuine attempt to connect, it often leads to rumination, self-doubt, and feelings of low self-esteem or worth.

But why is oversharing so common in ADHD, and what can we do to address its emotional aftermath? Let’s explore.

Why does ADHD lead to oversharing?

For many people with ADHD, oversharing is linked to the very nature of the condition:

1. Impulsivity
   ADHD is characterised by impulsivity, which can lead to blurting out thoughts or personal information without pausing to consider the context. This “speak first, think later” tendency often happens before the person has had time to process the potential consequences.

2. Difficulty with social cues
   Social interactions can sometimes feel overwhelming or confusing for people with ADHD. Picking up on subtle cues about what is appropriate to share or hold back can be challenging, especially in emotionally charged or high-pressure situations.

3. A desire for connection
   Many individuals with ADHD have experienced feelings of rejection or exclusion, making them eager to connect with others. Oversharing can feel like a way to bond quickly, to be seen and understood, even if it later feels regrettable.

4. Emotional intensity
   ADHD often amplifies emotions. When someone is excited, upset, or passionate, they may struggle to regulate the flood of feelings and thoughts, resulting in a spill of personal information.

The emotional aftermath of oversharing

While oversharing might initially feel like a relief or a way to foster closeness, it’s not uncommon for regret to follow. Many people with ADHD report falling into a cycle of rumination after oversharing, replaying the conversation in their minds and worrying about how they were perceived.

This spiral of rumination can lead to:

• Self-doubt: Questioning one’s ability to navigate social situations.

• Low self-esteem: Feeling “too much” or “not enough” because of how the interaction played out.

• Low self-worth: Associating the oversharing moment with personal failure or inadequacy.

Unfortunately, this emotional aftermath often becomes a feedback loop. The more someone fixates on the perceived misstep, the more it erodes their confidence, making future social interactions even more daunting.

How can we break the cycle?

The key to addressing ADHD-related oversharing lies in fostering self-awareness, developing strategies for self-regulation, and reframing the narrative around mistakes. Here are a few approaches that can help:

1. Pause before speaking
   Practising the “power of the pause” can be transformative for people with ADHD. Taking a moment to breathe, reflect, or even count to three before responding in a conversation can help reduce impulsive oversharing.

2. Develop self-compassion
   It’s important to remind yourself that everyone makes social missteps. Acknowledge that oversharing is a human experience, not a personal failing. Showing yourself kindness can help break the rumination cycle.

3. Create scripts for tricky situations
   Preparing for common scenarios can help you feel more in control. For instance, if you’re prone to oversharing at work, you might rehearse professional responses that keep conversations on track.

4. Learn to identify triggers
   Pay attention to the situations that lead to oversharing. Is it during high-stress moments? With particular people? Once you understand your triggers, you can prepare and plan ahead to manage them.

5. Reframe the narrative
   Instead of focusing on “what went wrong” after oversharing, try to reframe the situation. Ask yourself: “Did I share something that could have helped someone else?” or “Was I showing vulnerability in a positive way?”

6. ADHD coaching and support
   Working with an ADHD coach can provide tailored strategies to help navigate social situations, develop emotional regulation skills, and boost self-confidence. ADHD coaching focuses on practical solutions that align with your individual needs and values.

Oversharing isn’t a flaw—it’s often an extension of someone’s desire to connect and be understood. While it can have its challenges, it’s also a reflection of authenticity and emotional honesty, which are valuable traits in any relationship.

If oversharing leads to rumination or feelings of low self-worth, remember that it’s possible to interrupt that cycle. By practising self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-regulation, you can learn to balance openness with boundaries, strengthening your relationships and your sense of self-worth along the way.

Wondering how ADHD coaching can work for you?

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