Accountability and neurodivergence: Why having ADHD is not an excuse for poor behaviour
In recent years, there has been a much-needed spotlight on ADHD, leading to greater awareness, understanding, and support for those who are neurodivergent.
This shift has opened doors for meaningful conversations about how these conditions impact daily life, relationships, and mental health. However, it’s essential to address a complex issue within this discussion: accountability. While neurodivergence can explain challenges and behaviours, it should not be used as a free pass for actions that harm others.
Understanding the difference between explanation and excuse
Living with ADHD can create unique struggles. Impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, sensory overload, or executive functioning difficulties are common challenges that can affect how someone interacts with others or handles situations. These are valid and deserve compassion and understanding.
However, there’s an important distinction between understanding behaviour and excusing it. While neurodivergence can explain why someone might struggle with certain actions or interactions, it doesn’t mean they are exempt from the consequences of their choices or behaviour. Accountability is still crucial—not just for the people around them, but for their own growth and self-esteem.
The problem with using neurodivergence as a shield
When ADHD is used as a blanket excuse for harmful behaviour—whether it’s being rude, dismissive, or reckless—it can undermine the progress being made in advocating for neurodivergent individuals. It risks perpetuating stereotypes that people with ADHD are difficult, inconsiderate, or unwilling to adapt.
More importantly, it can prevent personal growth. If someone believes their neurodivergence means they don’t have to take responsibility for their actions, they miss the opportunity to reflect, learn, and implement strategies to navigate challenges more effectively.
Accountability as a form of empowerment
Accountability doesn’t mean perfection, nor does it mean neurodivergent people must meet neurotypical standards. Instead, it’s about recognising where personal challenges lie, owning up to mistakes, and actively working towards solutions. This process is empowering, as it shifts the narrative from "I can't help it" to "I can learn to manage this."
For instance, someone with ADHD might struggle with impulsive comments that hurt others. Instead of saying, "That’s just my ADHD," they could acknowledge the impact of their words and take steps to prevent future occurrences—perhaps by practising self-awareness or using coping mechanisms like pausing before speaking.
Supporting accountability in neurodivergent individuals
Here are a few ways to encourage accountability while being mindful of the challenges neurodivergence brings:
Create safe spaces for growth
Accountability is more achievable when people feel safe to admit mistakes without fear of shame or rejection. Offering compassion and understanding encourages openness and fosters a willingness to change.Educate and advocate
Help others understand that ADHD is not about bad behaviour but different wiring of the brain. This education can lead to more understanding interactions while still holding space for accountability.Focus on strategies, not perfection
Recognise that progress may be slow and imperfect. The focus should be on finding strategies that work for the individual, whether that’s creating routines, practising self-regulation techniques, or seeking support from a coach or therapist.Model accountability
When neurodivergent individuals see others—both neurotypical and neurodivergent—taking responsibility for their actions, it sets a powerful example. It normalises the idea that we all make mistakes and can learn from them.
A call for kindness and balance
This discussion is not about blaming neurodivergent individuals for their challenges—it’s about balance. Compassion and understanding should always be at the forefront when discussing ADHD. But alongside that, accountability is a vital part of personal growth, healthy relationships, and self-respect.
By embracing accountability, we can continue to advocate for a world that understands and supports neurodivergent individuals, while empowering those individuals to navigate their unique challenges in ways that foster connection, kindness, and integrity.
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